Peace after the storm...

Peace after the storm OR NOT!!!!

So as I said on my last post, the judge terminated hubby's removal proceedure thank God, you would all think this would defenetly be the peace after the storm but....

All of a sudden I started having panic attacks.. I had never in my entire life felts these and let me tell you if you have never experienced them, they are the WORST feeling ever.

It all started on Wednesday, I went to pick up my son to the boys & girls club. Hubby had already picked up our daughter from the sitters and the were home. So I am driving home after picking up Julian and all of a sudden I start feeling sick. I feel like my chest is closing in on me, my throat gets thight and I  feel like it's going to choke me. I start freaking out kuz i'm driving and I have my seven yr old with me. I call my hubby and tell him to come downstairs that I am ion my way home to get ready so as soon as i get there he can take me to the emergency room. By this point I am so scared that i'm having a heart attack and that i'm going to die. So I get home, he starts driving me to the hospital, our kids are in the back seat. Then I panic more and tell him to stop, what if I have a heart attack while we are on the freeway and we end up having an accident. So I tell him to call an ambulance better and so he does as we ar on the phone making that 911 call I am crying telling them to hurry up and send an ambulance that i'm having a heart attack and that I don't wanna die. My chest is tightening up, there something in my throat that is choking me someone please HELP!!! I swear that I erally thought I was going to die.

So paramedics get there, and they check me out they say my heart is ok and if i've had a pannic attack, so I start yelling at them that no this is not a panic attack i'm about to have a heart attack please help me. They are so cal, checking me out & I am so pissed off and scared kuz I just know i'm going to die and they are not doing anything to stop what is happening to me.

Finally we get to the hospital, they do blood work on me, a chest xray, they connect me to the EKG or what ever it's called and mmm yes they were right I was not having a heart attack. It sure was a panic attack. My 1st time ever having one and it was a big one let me tell you. So I get to come home a lil more relaxed.

The next day all is well, I go about my usual day, take the kids to school, go to work. While at workl I hear someone running up the stairs and there i go again, panicking all over again, This time I was able to control myself and tell myself that everything was A ok :)

When it was time to come home, I got in my car, turned it on and as soon as I did I started panicking again. Ever since I start getting them over nothing, not as bad as the first one, but still scary enough.

Now if I would of started getting this 2 yrs ago when our legal problems first started or last year when we didn't know what the outcome with immigration was going to be I would of been like that's why I'm getting them kuz of all the stress, but now why am I getting them now? After our storm is over and we finally have peace?  Why must I go thru this now? Just sitting here typing this has me with a bi.g lump in my throat and I feel like i'm going to choke on it.

The doctor gave me some pills to take and even though they do relax me, they make me feel like i'm not myself I feel really weird when I do take them. I hope I can overcome this and be able to be my old self again.

At last it's over

I am so happy!!!! Our case got terminated! We have been blessed, the judge ruled in our favor thank God.

My computer is down @ home so i'm here at work & can't be on much so I will def. come back in a few days and write some more.
THANK YOU ALL who had us in your prayer, you all will continue to be in mine too.

and so it's been a year now...

Dec 29, 2009.....

A year ago today I was scared, depressed, sad, did I mention scared? Last Dec 29 was my day to turn myself in... it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I knew that it was something I had to do, well as they sy you play you gotta pay. And so it was so that I had to pay. I was scared more than anything because I did not know what was going to happen with my hubbys case while I was gone. As he had court in January while I was going to be locked up. I was really scared of what would happen if he were to be deported while I was serving my time. I had been sentenced to 180 days, out of that I knew I had to do atleast 120 days. It was very hard having to say good bye to my kids, as I knew I wouldn't see them in all that time. I didn't want them to see me in jail, or even to know I was there. All that time they thought I was working in Colorado.

I remember clearly that evening, hubby went to drop me off at 7pm, it was a Monday. They didn't take me in till 9pm, and they had me downstairs in booking till 9am the next morning. As soon as they took me upstairs to a cell I feel asleep and slept all day long, I tried to sleep all day & night kuz when ever I was awake all I would do is cry.

I was in a cell by myself until the beggining of Feb, all that time that I was alone I spent reading the bible & reading everything and anything that was available to me. That way my day would go by so fast. By this time hubby had gone to court and they had given him another court date for June, I was to be out by mid April, so I was able to relax and not worry about what would happen.

While there I meet quite a few girls, it is so sad to be locked up, but more sad to be locked up and not know when and if you will ever be out. I went in knowing that I would be out in fur months, but there are people there that are fighting their cases and don't even know when they will be out, if they will be at all. I always pray for all of them, and since I've been out I've been writting to them, and sending them cards on the holiday, and their birthdays. It is heartbreaking to go thru these holidays knowing that they are all still there, specially for the ones that have kids. I am no one to judge any of them, and wheather they commited the crimes they are there for or not, I will always be praying for them and writting to them. I do hope and pray that they get to come out soon to their families.

I got to come home to my family on April 18, 2009. That experience away from my kids & hubby really taught me to treasure what I have. All this drama that hubby and I are going thru has brought us closer & stronger. We know we got ourselfs where we are, we know we are not perfect, and we have learned from our mistake. A very costly mistake. One that we can never take back. We are paying for it, and probably will for the rest of our lives, But we are both strong and have gotten so far, and with God's help we will keep on going.

As of today we still have no word on his case. But we are very hopefull that things will work out in our favor. For we know God has a plan for us, and we are patiently waiting for it.

At a time of joy we are in sorrow

So it was Sunday night about 10:30 pm, I was on line reading some posts when I get a call on my cell. I check and see that it is hubby's cousin Paul. He never ver calls me so I knew something was up. I answer the phone and sure enough it is bad news, he tells me mi Julian had passed away. Mi Julian is my hubbys maternal grandfather. But honestly I loved him like if he was my own grandfather. We named my son Julian after him. I know that always when people pass everyone says so & so was such a great person, pero honestly truth be told Mi Julian was a great person.

It really saddens me that he passed away and we didn't get to see him. It had been 2 1/2 yrs since we had seen him. He was here in the states last in June of 07, he was here when we had our wedding blessed.

The saddest part of this all is that hubby couldn't go due to our case not being resolved yet. It killed me to see how upset hubby was due to this. Mi Julian would come often to the States to visit, and he would stay here for months at a time, but since 2007 he was not able to come back to visit.

He passed away in Jocotepec, and they had his service in Las Trojes, Jalisco. In all the 14 yrs I have been together with hubby, I have yet to go visit El Rancho! Now when I do I will for ever be saddend that I never went when Mi Julian was still alive. He used to love attending Los Torros, and I am sure if I had gone to Mex he would of taken me to see them May he Rest In Peace.

Mi Julian you will always be in our hearts!

We will miss you always!

Dia de la Virgen De Guadalupe

December 12th is an important date in our culture because on this date the Virgin of Guadalupe (La Virgen de Guadalupe) first made an appearance in 1531.

According to church historians, an indigenous Mexican named Juan Diego was walking past a hill called Tepeyac on the outskirts of the Spanish settlement what is now Mexico City, in the beginning of December 1531, when a vision of the Virgin Mary appeared. She instructed him to go to the Bishop (Father Juan de Zumárraga), and deliver her request that a church be built in her honor on the spot.

Juan Diego faithfully went to the Bishop, who dismissed his history and told him to come back the next day. The next day the Bishop asked him a number of questions about the vision of the Virgin Mary, and told him that he needed to bring some proof of her appearance.

Juan Diego return to the hill and asked the Virgin Mary to give him a sign. She said that if he came to the hill the next day, she would give him a sign for the bishop. However, Juan Diego’s uncle Juan Bernardino was on his deathbed, and Juan Diego stayed the entire day with him.

The next morning, Juan Diego left to look for a priest to administer last rites to his uncle, and encountered the Virgin on the road. She sent him to the top of the Tepeyac hill to gather flowers, even though roses didn’t grow there in December. On the hill Juan Diego gathered a bunch of roses, which he brought back to the Virgin Mary. She held them for a moment and then told him to bring them to the bishop. He wrapped them in his tilma (overcloak) woven of manta (a traditional natural fiber similar to linen) and carried them to the bishop. When Juan Diego unbundled the roses for the bishop, everyone was amazed to see that the image of the Virgin Mary had miraculously appeared on the front of his tilma. The bishop immediately ordered the construction of a church dedicated to the "Virgen de Guadalupe" at the crest of Tepeyac hill.

Juan Diego returned his uncle’s house, and the Virgin appeared to him a final time and cured his uncle.

Today, December 12th is a national holiday in Mexico and is observed with pilgrimages to the shrine which houses Juan Diego tilma, special masses, ceremonial dances, and offerings at altars made in her honor.