Saturday, March 6, 2010

Peace after the storm...

Peace after the storm OR NOT!!!!
So as I said on my last post, the judge terminated hubby's removal proceedure thank God, you would all think this would defenetly be the peace after the storm but....
All of a sudden I started having panic attacks.. I had never in my entire life felts these and let me tell you if you have never experienced them, they are the WORST feeling ever.
It all started on Wednesday, I went to pick up my son to the boys & girls club. Hubby had already picked up our daughter from the sitters and the were home. So I am driving home after picking up Julian and all of a sudden I start feeling sick. I feel like my chest is closing in on me, my throat gets thight and I  feel like it's going to choke me. I start freaking out kuz i'm driving and I have my seven yr old with me. I call my hubby and tell him to come downstairs that I am ion my way home to get ready so as soon as i get there he can take me to the emergency room. By this point I am so scared that i'm having a heart attack and that i'm going to die. So I get home, he starts driving me to the hospital, our kids are in the back seat. Then I panic more and tell him to stop, what if I have a heart attack while we are on the freeway and we end up having an accident. So I tell him to call an ambulance better and so he does as we ar on the phone making that 911 call I am crying telling them to hurry up and send an ambulance that i'm having a heart attack and that I don't wanna die. My chest is tightening up, there something in my throat that is choking me someone please HELP!!! I swear that I erally thought I was going to die.
So paramedics get there, and they check me out they say my heart is ok and if i've had a pannic attack, so I start yelling at them that no this is not a panic attack i'm about to have a heart attack please help me. They are so cal, checking me out & I am so pissed off and scared kuz I just know i'm going to die and they are not doing anything to stop what is happening to me.
Finally we get to the hospital, they do blood work on me, a chest xray, they connect me to the EKG or what ever it's called and mmm yes they were right I was not having a heart attack. It sure was a panic attack. My 1st time ever having one and it was a big one let me tell you. So I get to come home a lil more relaxed.
The next day all is well, I go about my usual day, take the kids to school, go to work. While at workl I hear someone running up the stairs and there i go again, panicking all over again, This time I was able to control myself and tell myself that everything was A ok :)
When it was time to come home, I got in my car, turned it on and as soon as I did I started panicking again. Ever since I start getting them over nothing, not as bad as the first one, but still scary enough.
Now if I would of started getting this 2 yrs ago when our legal problems first started or last year when we didn't know what the outcome with immigration was going to be I would of been like that's why I'm getting them kuz of all the stress, but now why am I getting them now? After our storm is over and we finally have peace?  Why must I go thru this now? Just sitting here typing this has me with a bi.g lump in my throat and I feel like i'm going to choke on it.
The doctor gave me some pills to take and even though they do relax me, they make me feel like i'm not myself I feel really weird when I do take them. I hope I can overcome this and be able to be my old self again.